We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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