five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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