He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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