do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
