I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize