My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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