So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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