Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
