I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
