My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
