hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
