He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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