he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
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right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
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I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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