I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
