erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
