I will die if light touches me.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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