Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
