So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
