You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
