watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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