i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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