mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
