We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Come on in and take your pants off
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
