There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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