yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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