I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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