I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Hippo gnu deer
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
