we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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