the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
