I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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