What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
