I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
