I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
God, I missed his penis.
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