My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I believe in your delicious
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
