she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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