Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
