just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize