Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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