I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
