You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
