apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
