Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
