I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
