She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
