I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
