Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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