come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
