idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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