i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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