When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
