She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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