WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
