Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
