ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
