Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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