I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
