fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize