I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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