How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
