We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
