I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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