That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
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50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
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My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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