its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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