someone get that fucking seahorse.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
How does one acquire holy water?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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