If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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